Round 2 With This. After so much great response with the last post we decided to come back again with some more funny things to tweet on twitter
1.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2.Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
3. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
4. I always borrow money from a pesimist because he never expects to get it back.
5. Dogs have masters cats have staff.
6. Don`t kid yourself would be a great slogan for a condom company.
7. If karma does not hit you I gladly will
8. We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
9. Americans kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.
10. I don’t need anger management. I just need people to STOP PISSING ME OFF!
11. Sex should be kept private. Its between you and the person your doing it too.
12. I would love to stop drinking but no one likes a quitter.
13. My luck is that bad lately. If I had a goldfish it would drown.
14. My wife would not ware gloves if she had no hands so why does she wear a bra?
15. The best way to make your chest bigger is to rub toilet roll between your boobs. Just look what it did for your ass.
16. I’m so sorry. Where are my manners. What I meant to say was could you PLEASE F@(K OFF.
17. I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
18. I don’t want to be old when I die. I just want to die young as late as possible.